Dusting Off and Getting Up: a Rehearsal

A deep sigh. Little shame filled cheeks glowing in front of a keyboard where little shame filled fingers flit before you now. I am back.

A week ago, I told myself I had let the writing habit die, and before it’d even really gotten it’s first deep breath. Queue the familiar cloak of shame, which is about as pleasant as a pair of damp underwear.

Two days ago, I told myself that perhaps it wasn’t too late. Perhaps there was still a pulse, however quiet.

And today, well here I am. Flicking the shame from my fingers key by key.

I’m used to this dress rehearsal by now: the shame cycle show. I have a feeling a lot of creatives are. And while I don’t think shame will ever fully go away for those of us who feel it as our first, most guttural reaction, I do think some things are good medicine.

Knowing a Creator is the behind-the-counter stuff.

Showing up regardless is the over-the-counter stuff.

Both we can decide to do at any time, each endeavor pursuable as soon as we’ve decided we’ve had enough of our own mess. And they are the only medicine for putting shame to bed.

So the next time shame comes courting with all it’s awful gut-rot, when the last thing you feel worthy of is showing up: go ahead and do it anyway. You’ll be amazed just how fast acting it is.

5 responses to “Dusting Off and Getting Up: a Rehearsal”

  1. Gah writer’s shame. “Everyone knows I’m a mess, everyone can see I can’t commit, I’m not a real writer, I don’t actually have anything to offer.” Ugh it’s so so deep.

    Keep on arriving! Keep on showing up! We need your voice!

    Also, I just heard Winston’s voice in my head “shame shame I know your name!” I commit to trying to hear Winston’s voice in my head every time the shame trigger goes off. I think it’ll help. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I actually did this today, but not with writing. I felt the shame of just being a lazy piece of junk, so I did the stuff that I wouldn’t have had the mood to do anyway (might as well, right?) and the effects were almost instantaneous. Now I’ve gotten a bunch of stuff done, so perhaps feeling down is a good trigger after all, lol.

    Like

    • Hear, hear! is this from your Covid bout? Being sick really is the worst. I find the same thing, though, too. As soon as I make myself show up, I somehow manage what I thought I probably couldn’t. I usually feel a little less sick while I’m doing it, too. Nice work, and hopefully you feel better sooner than later!

      Like

      • That post was from a while back, so I’m definitely feeling better, but I appreciate the love!

        And yeah, sometimes it takes showing up for the smallest things before we can move on to the big ones, eh?

        Like

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